Ms. Beard Is Weird! by Dan Gutman

Author:Dan Gutman
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

7

The Stunt Teacher

We were told to go back to class until the end of the day. Mr. Granite was happy about that. He said we could finally get some work done.

“Today we’re going to talk about—”

But he didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, because you’ll never believe who came running into the door at that moment.

Nobody! Why would you want to run into a door? That would hurt. But you’ll never believe who came running into the doorway.

It was Ms. Beard, and a camera crew!

“Granite, baby!” she said, throwing her arm around Mr. Granite’s shoulder. “I felt bad about what happened when we filmed you in class. I wanted to give you another chance to be a star.”

“Uh . . . okay,” said Mr. Granite.

All the lights and cameras were set up, and Ms. Beard yelled, “ACTION!”

“Today we’re going to talk about fractions,” Mr. Granite told us. “A fraction is a number that expresses part of a group. The number above the line is called the numerator. The number below the line is called the—”

“Cut!” Ms. Beard yelled. “Granite, baby, you’re putting everybody to sleep with that fraction mumbo jumbo. Try it again, and this time put a little pizzazz into it, will ya?”

“Uh . . . okay. I’ll try.”

“ACTION!”

“If two fractions have the same denominator,” said Mr. Granite, “their sum is the sum of the numerators over the denomina—”

“Cut!” hollered Ms. Beard. “Bring in the stunt teacher!”

“What?” shouted Mr. Granite. “Stunt teacher?”

“I’m sorry, Granite, baby, but this just isn’t working out,” said Ms. Beard. “I gotta bring in somebody who can grab viewers by the eyeballs.”

“You can’t do that!” protested Mr. Granite. “I spent years learning how to teach math.”

“Chill, baby. It’s temporary,” said Ms. Beard. “Where’s my stunt teacher? Where’s Mr. Brown?”

Suddenly, a guy came walking into the class—on his hands. He did a somersault and a cartwheel and jumped up onto Mr. Granite’s desk. He had a big red nose and orange hair sticking out on both sides.

“Hi, boys and girls!” he said in a funny voice, honking his nose.

“Mr. Brown is a clown!” I shouted.

“You can call me Brownie the Clownie!”

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